By: Tanisha

Edited by: Surabhi

Toxic Masculinity is a frequently used term that is often thrown around without reason to justify any actions that male-identifying people take.

It is inappropriately used as a catch-all term for the behaviors of men and masculine folks. The term is misleading in what it refers to and often has negative connotations which shift

the blame towards a group of people, instead of towards the attitude that society has towards that group of people.

When the term "toxic masculinity" is used, most people misunderstand it as though masculinity itself is toxic, which is what the term alludes to. This leads to horrible connotations where many blame something that male-identifying people do, not on the situation or the person, but their masculinity, thereby reiterating the blame game, such that whenever a man does something that someone else doesn’t agree with, the fault isn’t just with the person, but their masculinity, their gender, their identity.

It is a form of gender discrimination that is often overlooked, and while most experts analyze it from the psychological point of view as a causality of societal and peer pressure, rest assured, it is a very real, very prominent bias in society.

Toxic masculinity, in actuality, refers to certain behaviors or attitudes that are imposed by society upon men, and that men, either intentionally or unintentionally emulate. Society, or some people in society, constantly assert that men are supposed to be mentally and physically tough, not display emotions or show vulnerability, or to be self-sufficient and not ask for help. It also includes archaic and negative behaviors like violence or aggression, which is what brings about the bias of toxic masculinity, not as a toxic attitude towards masculinity, but as masculinity being toxic in itself.

Most times, the societally imposed categorization is carried out almost unconsciously by people around, identical to the behavioral expectations that are imposed on women or other gender identities as well.

“Boys don’t cry”, “Do it yourself”, “Boys will be boys”, “Be a man”, “Man up”, are all the things that are often said about men. This essentially creates a form of peer pressure from a very young age, conditioning people, such that if you do any of that, your masculinity is invalid or not “masculine” enough, which, while innocent enough at a younger age tends to develop into the behaviors associated with toxic masculinity with growing age.

It is such a subconscious form of gender discrimination that no one notices or actively acknowledges– neither the people doing it, nor the people getting affected by it.

This is of course, not true for many male-identifying people or many people in society. However, the purpose of this is to bring awareness to the cases where this conditioning very actively occurs.

It can be likened to saying that if people have already decided how you are going to be and they tell you that often, then subconsciously you start to mimic how they expect you to be.

The existence of Toxic masculinity can be further compared to the situation of someone standing next to a bicycle. Society prods the person, asserting that they are peddling the bicycle, so it is moving. Society demands it often enough, that eventually the person who was standing next to it conforms or is conditioned, and as a response, gets on the bicycle and starts peddling, thus causing it to move.

Here, the peddling is the attitude towards masculinity, the person standing next to the bicycle represents those men who were conditioned, and the moving of the cycle signifies confirmation and finally giving in to what others have defined masculinity to be.

It is extremely disappointing to note that though people all over the world are starting to understand not to fit women into society’s molds, some still ignore, beyond a cursory glance that everybody is fit into society’s molds formed by beliefs of the past, regardless of their gender identities. It is a unifying issue that everyone faces, albeit one which not everyone realizes.

To be concise, masculinity itself is not toxic. Nothing is, for that matter. Gender itself is a neutral entity that doesn’t have any negative connotations to it. It is a form of identifying yourself, and nothing about that could ever be negative.

It is the attitude that people have towards certain, or, more often than not, all genders that can be negative. Attitudes and behaviors can be negative or toxic and that society assigns certain behaviors of certain genders as toxic, thereby inadvertently hinting to the gender itself being toxic is a stereotype that must be broken.

It might be time to start contemplating the way we perceive men and let go of the myth that men’s behaviors are determined by biology rather than how they and we, perceive their masculinity, or on the person itself and not their gender identity.

This is a false understanding and rather than finding ways to resolve issues/situations concerning specific male-identifying people by being person-specific, it only aims to assign blame and nothing more to all male identifying people, thereby making the aforementioned situations worse.

The toxic attitude towards masculinity has adverse health effects on many men. It can cause depression and propagate violence and aggression, simply because society has stated that that is what men do. Many men refuse to seek help because societal stigma would title them weak, and some tend towards aggression because that adds an implication of “strength” to it.

Studies show, that even if men do seek help, they are not taken seriously enough, and their depression is labeled as being “In your head.”

This likely reverts back to the stigma surrounding mental health as well as the stereotype that the problem is likely being made up, because, “surely it couldn’t be real.”

This further accelerates the descent into depression, because when men break out of the stigma of toxic masculinity and seek help when they need it, they’re denied and told that what they are facing is not real, leading to frequent cases of suicide

It started such that society’s perception of masculinity was the cause/reason, and the existence of toxic masculinity was the effect.

Today, it is such that, toxic attitudes towards masculinity is the cause and the effect is men reverting to traits of toxic masculinity when there is no support if one somehow manages to break the constraints of the stigma and stereotype. It is a consistent cycle that is difficult to break away from. It can and has been done, but it is not easy.

Just how the stigma against femininity is difficult to break, similarly the stigma against masculinity and the toxic attitudes towards both these and other gender identities will be difficult to break.

Though there is no shortcut to suddenly improve the situation, there are things that can be done towards changing the toxic attitudes, and while this refers specifically to masculinity and the toxic attitude towards it, it could just as equally apply to any other biases and stigmas that society holds.

The first is aimed at the people that the toxic attitudes are targeted towards:

Don’t conform to what society expects you to do. Internalize that nobody’s gender is toxic, it isn’t anything more or less than you want it to be no matter what society asks you to be.

If you have conformed to society’s expectations of who you are supposed to be, that’s ok too. As long as you realize it, and self-search that nobody is imposing those expectations on you, and that you actively believe in them, then it is ok to be self-sufficient and mentally and physically tough. Being honest and real with yourself is necessary though.

It is ok to ask for help when you need it or to be emotive.

It is, however, not ok to be aggressive or violent. While it might be a result of generations of societal demands, it ultimately falls as a choice to actively be aggressive.

Do not conform to that idea. It is what brings about the stereotype towards masculinity and the toxic attitudes towards it in the first place. The aggression is harmful, not only towards those it is aimed at, but it also poses a setback in trying to break the aforementioned stereotypes. There are some archaic connotations to what certain behaviors of masculinity are that eventually get it described as toxic, and while it is folly to define a whole group based on just a few, it is worse when the folly arises in the first place.

The second is towards those who form the rest of society:

The first step towards stopping anything is awareness. It is not nearly enough, but it is a start. Be aware of what you are doing. It takes active work to correct and check our actions to make sure that we are not conforming to society’s expectations that we’ve somehow managed to set for ourselves.

Be understanding that it is not easy to break stigmas, that it takes time and effort, not just of the people who are stuck with the stigmas, but also us, since we are balancing one end of the bias by actively feeding it, though subconsciously for most, in today’s world.

Help and listen when someone is trying to actively break out of the mold, and if someone is comfortable with who they are with the traditionally defined gender identities, then that is who they want to be, and that is wonderful for them. Let them be who they are.

And always (always) remember, that nothing in itself is toxic. It is the attitude people have towards it that can be toxic…